Sunday, June 28, 2009

Life Lesson #1: Always have a boyfriend when you move.

Trust me.

You may be able to handle taking out the trash, hosting your own party, or buying a car, but moving should not be a solo activity. It is at this point when you realize your biceps are no match for the bookshelf full of your favorite Jane Austen novels or the ridiculous amount of kitchenware you have acquired (and I can't even cook!).

So what's the solution? As I see it, there are three:

1) Look ahead.
Your lease will be up in a few weeks, and yet you sleep alone at night. Show a little leg, hit up those ladies' nights, and get yourself a boy toy. This, however, is my least favorite alternative. First of all, let's not be selfish, this guy has some feelings too. He probably doesn't want to just be a piece of meat, even if that meat is genetically created to lug your antique dresser from point A to point B. Plus, you have to put up with him in between and find a semi-appropriate reason to break up afterwards.
2) Grin and bear it.
Yes, Miss Independent, as Ne-Yo says, you are "fly effortlessly." So why does that have to change on moving day? Throw that beautiful mane in a ponytail and pull out the boxes. Never taken down a fan before? There's probably something on youtube to help. Curious about how to gracefully move the trunk down the stairs? You'll find a way. You always do.
3) What are gay best friends for?
They don't get the wrong idea and yet they still can bench press you! In my experience they will sometimes be less dependable then, say, someone that wants down your pants, but they can also make you laugh the entire time you're trying to fit all your pillows into your backseat.

When your next moving day rolls around, be prepared ladies. Because who really wants to be alone when you finally knock the suitcase off the top shelf of your closet and it all comes tumbling down?