Sunday, August 9, 2009

Life Lesson #5: Don't pick up strangers.

In fact, I think it's best not to touch them altogether. But, I may be a prude.

I feel like I could devote an entire blog (and trust me, I've really thought about it) on guys. More so, their stupid antics they actually think are a good idea while in pursuit of the nearest/cutest girl. Yes boys, I'm looking at you.

Today's winner was named Richard, I believe, and picked the same pool as me to soak up some early afternoon rays.

It all started off innocent enough. My roommate and I were laying off the edge of the pool, explaining our personal theories on love and relationships/dating. Soon, all too soon, we're joined by Richard, who was in search of a partner for chicken fight. I, being a horrible friend and roommate, give the best sales pitch I can for my dear roomie. Don't worry, the karma came around all too quickly.

She's a peach and plays along, meekly going a round with a stranger and eventually switching to bottom position for Richard to take over on top. As soon as she's freed from the game she jumps out to lay on her chair. It's much safer on land.

So there I am, laying on my own, minding my own business. Apparently that made me the next target.

After turning down offers to join the strange boys in conversation, one picks me up and brings me over. I'm not kidding.

So... at what point in his life did this work? What's worse, these guys start pulling out these cheesy lines. I look to Emily for assistance while she soaks up the fact that she actually got off easy.

I may be the size of your backpack when you were in fifth grade, but my portability should not be put into use by perfect strangers. It will not lead to a date. It won't even lead to a last name and potential facebook friend. Yeah, that's right, I said it!

So guys (and socially awkward girls), my advice is this: while sweeping a girl off her feet is easiest done in its literal sense, this will not likely lead to the sappy kind. That "air of mystery" isn't complete crock. Try it sometime.

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